I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
