but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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