dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
