I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
