he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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