I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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