Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
