worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Randomize
