Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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