yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
