sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Randomize
