If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
