But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
