I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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