so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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