well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
