Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
