and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
