i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
