How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
