By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
