You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
