I just threw up on my dentist
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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