That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize