What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
