i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
