JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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