I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
