her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
