he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
