is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
