He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize