first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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