i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
