she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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