im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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