she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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