My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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