if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize