just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
