I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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