I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
