If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
