i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
