Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
