I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
