Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
