and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
