I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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