If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he thought i was a dude.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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