In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
