We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
