wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
