We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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