My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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