hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
