so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
