we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
