gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
