Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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