And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
