im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
