I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
