In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
