Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize