there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
