My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
