its not stalking. its research.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
