I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
