My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
did i just pee glitter
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
