My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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