well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
