no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
