HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Randomize
