Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
