Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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