Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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