What did we do last night that was yellow?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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