Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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