sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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