So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
