her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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