...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
