My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize