i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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