This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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