In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
