butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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