she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She needs sedatives and a leash
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
