just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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