You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
