Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
