she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize