pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
