and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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