all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
