Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
That's how pantless uber rides happen
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
