just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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