piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
