Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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