I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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