goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
