I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So squirting runs in the family.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
