the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
